Post by .LILY LUNA POTTER ! on Jul 8, 2010 20:26:57 GMT -5
She had been up since about 5:30 that morning.
It was Sunday.
Lily stabbed wearily at her scrambled eggs, toast left uneaten on the side of her plate. She hadn't been in the Great Hall too far before the rest, but soon enough the early crowd was buzzing around, awake and chipper and already talking eagerly about what they'd gotten over holidays, or the Quidditch matches that were surprisingly drawing near. Lily wished rather drearily that they could all just... just... clam up!
She bit her lip, guilty for even thinking such nasty things. Her big eyes looked around the room, taking in the students there. Most of the Ravenclaw table was awake by this time (7:30). There was Louis, even, chatting away with some dark haired girl, looking smiley and rather pleased with himself. The Hufflepuff table was fairly full as well, plenty of upbeat chatter among them, and a few handfuls of Slytherins had made their way from their common rooms and into the daylight.
Her eyes finally glanced down both lengths of the Gryffindor table from where she was seated in the middle. Deserted, save for a cluster of boys in her year a few benches to her right and on the other side of the table, and every once in a while she'd catch them throwing her looks. Odd looks, to be sure, and ones she couldn't figure out. But she'd seen that expression on their faces increasingly often, and no matter how many times she saw it it only added to her dismally confused state.
But that wasn't the cause of the slight frown on her face at the moment.
Lily batted away the tear that stole from her eyes, sniffing quietly and allowing her hair to fall around her face. She shouldn't have come down to the Great Hall this morning. She ought to have just stayed in her warm room with the curtains around her four poster drawn. That way, she wouldn't have to worry about crying, and maybe she'd have been able to sort all this out in her head.
Godric, she could remember the days when "you big... meanie!" was an insult she'd cry for days over. Now, here she was thinking awful things... and telling her father she hated him. Hating her mother. Resenting James for already being in the order, and keeping her feelings of jealously toward Albus a secret from him. She'd never kept secrets before! But now... oh, now she was falling apart at the seams, like the used teddy bear abandoned after childhood.
And then it clicked.
Lily dropped her fork loudly on her plate and gripped the table with both hands. She felt like she was going to throw up or pass out or both. Images started flashing in her head so quickly she had to shove her plate away and put her head on the table. There was her father, yelling, and her mother, sending her to her room... Albus, a pitying look on his face as he told her he'd teach her a spell... James sending her away as he practiced over break with her father for the Order... And then she was back at school, with those boys looking at her... That one morning she found her shirt felt tighter than usual... Gossiping with girls in her dorm... Finding herself looking at Manny in a different light...
Lily squeezed her eyes against the images, her mouth contorted in a terrible frown as she flung her arms around her head. I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, she chanted like a mantra in her head, also hoping to distract herself. Hopefully, no one would notice the singular redhead with her face buried in her arms, or would pass it off as it being too early in the morning for the Gryffindor.
...Wasn't she supposed to be brave?
It was Sunday.
Lily stabbed wearily at her scrambled eggs, toast left uneaten on the side of her plate. She hadn't been in the Great Hall too far before the rest, but soon enough the early crowd was buzzing around, awake and chipper and already talking eagerly about what they'd gotten over holidays, or the Quidditch matches that were surprisingly drawing near. Lily wished rather drearily that they could all just... just... clam up!
She bit her lip, guilty for even thinking such nasty things. Her big eyes looked around the room, taking in the students there. Most of the Ravenclaw table was awake by this time (7:30). There was Louis, even, chatting away with some dark haired girl, looking smiley and rather pleased with himself. The Hufflepuff table was fairly full as well, plenty of upbeat chatter among them, and a few handfuls of Slytherins had made their way from their common rooms and into the daylight.
Her eyes finally glanced down both lengths of the Gryffindor table from where she was seated in the middle. Deserted, save for a cluster of boys in her year a few benches to her right and on the other side of the table, and every once in a while she'd catch them throwing her looks. Odd looks, to be sure, and ones she couldn't figure out. But she'd seen that expression on their faces increasingly often, and no matter how many times she saw it it only added to her dismally confused state.
But that wasn't the cause of the slight frown on her face at the moment.
"Lily, no you're too young! Get in your room and stay there!"
"Mum, please! You don't understand! Why won't you let me help?!"
"Don't do this to me right now, Lily!"
"But James is already in the Order! And Al's going to be, why can't I just... help! Even if I can't, why won't you tell me anything?!"
"Your mother is right... You're far too young, you'd be in too much danger."
"Dad! They would never tell you anything when you were my age, and wouldn't it have just been better if they had? What if I can really help? Please, Dad!"
"Lily... do as your mother says."
"... I... I... I hate you!"
"Mum, please! You don't understand! Why won't you let me help?!"
"Don't do this to me right now, Lily!"
"But James is already in the Order! And Al's going to be, why can't I just... help! Even if I can't, why won't you tell me anything?!"
"Your mother is right... You're far too young, you'd be in too much danger."
"Dad! They would never tell you anything when you were my age, and wouldn't it have just been better if they had? What if I can really help? Please, Dad!"
"Lily... do as your mother says."
"... I... I... I hate you!"
Lily batted away the tear that stole from her eyes, sniffing quietly and allowing her hair to fall around her face. She shouldn't have come down to the Great Hall this morning. She ought to have just stayed in her warm room with the curtains around her four poster drawn. That way, she wouldn't have to worry about crying, and maybe she'd have been able to sort all this out in her head.
Godric, she could remember the days when "you big... meanie!" was an insult she'd cry for days over. Now, here she was thinking awful things... and telling her father she hated him. Hating her mother. Resenting James for already being in the order, and keeping her feelings of jealously toward Albus a secret from him. She'd never kept secrets before! But now... oh, now she was falling apart at the seams, like the used teddy bear abandoned after childhood.
And then it clicked.
Lily dropped her fork loudly on her plate and gripped the table with both hands. She felt like she was going to throw up or pass out or both. Images started flashing in her head so quickly she had to shove her plate away and put her head on the table. There was her father, yelling, and her mother, sending her to her room... Albus, a pitying look on his face as he told her he'd teach her a spell... James sending her away as he practiced over break with her father for the Order... And then she was back at school, with those boys looking at her... That one morning she found her shirt felt tighter than usual... Gossiping with girls in her dorm... Finding herself looking at Manny in a different light...
Lily squeezed her eyes against the images, her mouth contorted in a terrible frown as she flung her arms around her head. I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, she chanted like a mantra in her head, also hoping to distract herself. Hopefully, no one would notice the singular redhead with her face buried in her arms, or would pass it off as it being too early in the morning for the Gryffindor.
...Wasn't she supposed to be brave?
